HCG (+)

recently i had a pt that was complaining of abd pain. i asked her if she was pregnant and she said no way, no how, she just had a baby a 7 months ago, was still breast feeding & hadn't started having periods yet. after the positive HCG and ultrasound we discovered that not only is she pregnant but she was 22 weeks along

beer bottle Christmas

this male, 53+ y/o arrived via ambulance on Christmas eve. i asked him what happened and he told me, "my girlfriend and i got drunk and she got a little carried away."

Hx of Szr

there were so many things wrong with this incident that i will prolly end up writing several articles about the difference between taxis and ambulances, pt.s faking seizures to get attention, and pt.s that try to dictate their care.

Diluadid Deficiency

taken from http://tinyurl.com/6skm3mr

The symptoms can vary but include:

1. Chest pain that is difficult to describe that radiates through your back, down your flank, to your left ankle, and back up your right leg to your neck, and back to your back.
2. Often times, the pain may radiate from the chest through the outer layers of your scalp to the other side of your neck.
3. The pain may also not be described as a "chest pain", but rather a non-descript "pressure" sensation that does not match any physiological or anatomical possibilities.
4. The patient will usually say that the pain is similar to a previous episode of DDA chest pain that was only relieved by diluadid.
5. Patients will also state that the oral/pill form of diluadid has not worked in the past and that they need large IV doses.
6. Patients normally know the exact dose that would relieve their pain.
7. Patients may appear comfortable and not distressed, but as soon as a nurse or physician walks by, the pain becomes excruciating and the patient may writhe and scream in pain. You don't want to miss this finding, similar to white coat hypertension. But it's white coat DDA.

i've seen scrubs on TV

i often hear pts dropping "key words/phrases" i suppose they think that if they know the lingo we will press the magic button that allows them fast an helpful service. unfortunately the misuse of medical terminology usually delays care; also it makes them look foolish. once i had a pt comment on my use of a sphygmomanometer, i told her, "in the real world, we call this a blood pressure cuff".

I'm not sure what it's called something like...Dilaudid

i also like it when the pt is bent over in pain during the initial assessment, can't ambulate and screaming in pain who then storm out after realizing we aren't going to give them a narcotic script.

two days later

from our young man who swallowed a key. i don't know why he swallowed that key. i guess he'll be... fine

i swallowed it

14 y/o male. stated he was throwing the key around and somehow it landed in his mouth and he reflexively swallowed it.

near syncope

"What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week..." Captain, Road Prison 36, Cool Hand Luke 


"near syncope" was going to be the main title of this comic blog, but i thought it might be too hard to remember.

mystery meat

i am generally very happy with the food served to us in the cafeteria, but every once in a while, if you are not paying attention, they will serve something disguised as something else and that never ends well for me. it's like seeing a chocolate chip cookie and when you take a bite it, turns out to be raisins instead of chocolate chips. i hate that.

the impatient patient

i'm still not sure what she expected us to do. so we did a basic workup and told her to follow up with her primary medical provider.

She likes to watch

It is a safe bet that I NEVER want to be a part of your weird nurse/doctor/patient sex fantasies

i was bored

i'm pretty sure this is why many people come to the emergency department after being in pain or feeling sick for a significant period of time. the same day this conversation happened i had another pt who checked in for painful urination admit he has had this "burning" sensation when he pees for about a year. then he asked if his girlfriend could be in the room when we did the physical exam of his junk.

Objects in Orifices

Pulled this off the roof of the mouth of a 10 month old. The mother thought it might have been a thumbtack embedded in roof of the child's mouth. The back side of this disc was adhesive.

11 hours sober

this was a word for word transcript with a pt i had today. i told him 11 hours sober doesn't count.

real life is seldom as exciting as TV. as many times as i see people jumping out of moving vehicles in movies and tv with good reason, when people jump out of moving cars in real life it's usually for very stupid reasons.

sometimes it seems that divine intervention isn't all its cracked up to be

that's what "he" said

this is word-for-word what happened one day. the joke, "that's what she said" wouldn't work in this case and, "that's what he said" just isn't nearly as funny. i love working with people who have a sense of humor, i laugh more at work now than i have had and any other job.

Spider-bite man

this made me laugh out loud when i read it on the blog "a day in the life of an ambulance driver" i did change some of the wording both for space and i'm more of a star wars fan instead of a trekkie

alternative medicine

one of the docs i work with is old, but an amazing clinician. he is, however, set in his ways and has some very strong opinions about this "new fangled" medicine .

you called 911 for that?

i am constantly amazed at what people come to the emergency department or call 911 for

i fell on it

i really don't understand why pt lie to us regarding the nature of their injuries. we have seen it all before, we have heard it all before, we know when you are feeding us a line of bs.

be a rockstar

some days are harder than others, especially when we start the day short staffed.

twig and berries

it's amazing to me what people will do to themselves for sexual gratification. when this pt first described the issue to me i mistakenly thought he had a piercing that got infected, which is weird to me all on it's own, but when i asked the pt to show me the problem i was not expecting what i saw. eventually, the surgeon did get the ring off using a hacksaw and dremel tool from maintenance